Help Wanted
By Tim Barnum
News Editor | news@ogemawherald.com
Follow me on Twitter
Orlando company Jeff Ellis and Associates recently fired Tomas Lopez, a lifeguard in Hallandale Beach, Fla., for doing the unthinkable.
What was his sin? Apparently, a man was drowning and witnesses pulled him out of the water. Lopez ran to help out on the beach, as the man had water in his lungs. He and an off-duty nurse helped keep the man alive until paramedics arrived.
The near-drowning victim was outside of the company’s designated beach area, however, and Lopez, after reporting the incident to a supervisor, was fired for his actions.
I know what you’re thinking. What was Lopez doing outside of the designated swimming boundaries? What a bonehead!
To help out the real victims in this fiasco — Jeff Ellis and Associates — I decided to write them a “Help Wanted” ad pro bono. Writing is something Jeff Ellis and Associates doesn’t mind being done for free. Unlike helping a person in serious danger.
Here’s the ad:
Sick of the rigmarole? Looking for an opportunity that allows YOU to make a positive difference in your community (within a strictly designated area)? Searching for a career that doesn’t expect you to go the extra mile?
Then hop out of that air-conditioned prison and head to the beach, where office memos are written in sunscreen across hard bodies lying in the sand. Just run down this quick checklist to see if YOU are qualified.
__ In shape?
__ Know how to swim?
__ Able to deal with high-pressure situations, and sand in your trunks?
__ Willing to ignore cries for help, even if it could result in a death?
Sound like YOU? Then YOU can join the elite ranks of Jeff Ellis and Associates. Come see us today, and say goodbye to a job, hello to an adventure.
DISCLAIMER: Men and women of valor need not apply. Saving a life outside of swimming zones will result in immediate termination. Out-of-the-box thinking and out-of-bounds acts of heroism not recommended. Experience running like David Hasselhoff is preferred, but not necessary.